Some people have noticed from me changing my name back to Parman that there’s likely some transition going on in my household. This would be an accurate assumption. Why does that matter for this story? Well, I needed a bed for just me, and since I’m now that the munchkin isn’t here every other weekend, I decided it was a good day to go shopping.
It didn’t take me long to pick out what I wanted, and after shelling out a wad of cash for a mattress and bed frame, I decided I might as well blow the rest of the money I don’t have at Whole Foods. I bought 20 items that probably weren’t on my original Hy-Vee shopping list and cost 3x as much. Just because it’s winter and I’m up for an adventure in water weight loss, I picked up some master cleanse drinks. Between those and the kale salad with 3000 cloves of garlic, I will likely not leave my house for 3 weeks because I’ll need to stay close to a bathroom and won’t want to breathe on anyone. I also now know why their summer rolls are so expensive. As I dipped one into the mustard sauce, I realized there were tiny fish eggs in it. I don’t mind the taste of caviar, but did I really need an expensive garnish inside my condiment?
For once, I had a pretty chill work week, so I have no idea why I was so brain dead as I handled these chores. I’m pretty sure that at each store, when the clerk said something, I responded with something completely stupid. If they would’ve followed normal conversation protocol and said, “Have a nice day,” my standard response of “You too” would’ve made sense. But today, I think the guy I bought my bed from said, “Enjoy your new bed.” And I’m pretty sure I responded with, “You too.” On the way out of the furniture store, a girl asked me how I was doing. I said I was good and asked how she was doing. When she said “I’m doing well,” I said, “Thank you.” Why? I have no idea. And at Whole Foods, the guy asked something about the weather and I said I was glad the snow stopped. He gave me a really weird look before staring out the window, where it was clearly snowing (Actually, it was just blowing around, but I can understand why he thought I was an idiot.)
I made one final stop. I felt the need to wax nostalgic, so I went to a book store before they all go the way of the dinosaurs. I really like bookstores; however, they lack something that Amazon has: a large assortment of books. They did at least have some decent kids’ books, so I bought Harper one for Valentine’s Day along with Green Eggs & Ham, the one Dr. Seuss book we didn’t yet own. I also decided I needed something to take along on my upcoming business conference trip in case all of my technology fails and I get bored. While I usually just listen to MP3s or read from my Kindle app, I thought, what the hell? I’m in a book store…let’s just go ahead and buy some tangible paper products. So I bought a logic puzzle book and a deck of cards. Of course, I’ve never met a fine-tip pen or Moleskin notebook I didn’t like, so I bought a few more of those.
So, not too shabby of a Saturday so far. Now I’m off to drink my cleanse beverage and then desperately want a cheeseburger and a martini. To be fair, I can’t just drink liquids, so there will not be a full cleanse happening here. I need to chew food. For more on why I don’t enjoy this cleanse crap anyway, see this post about Cabbage Soup. Hopefully it “cleanses” my brain and my attempt to actually do some work today isn’t futile. However, if you see some learning material get published with my name on it and it’s written in gibberish, you’ll know I’ve just responded with “You too” for no apparent reason.
P.S. The discussion about Whole Foods makes me think of this article by Kelly MacLean that I think is hilarious: Surviving Whole Foods